It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
