k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
