you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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