My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
