i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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