I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
