I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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