I'm jealous of your bromance
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
