If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
