By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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