Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
