forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
