all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
