Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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