im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
