Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
