My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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