Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
