Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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