i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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