So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
