im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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