chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
