Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
soo... how was my night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
