my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
