we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
