It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
