Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
