Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
