Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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