he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
