Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
