is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
