Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
