he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
