Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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