Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please don't give away my fajitas
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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