i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
