Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
