so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
