I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
