What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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