i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
