My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
