the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
