I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
