My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
