I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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