bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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