K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
