New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
