Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
