i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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