My liver just broke up with me...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so much tequila, so little girl.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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