I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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