I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We left an ass print on the piano.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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