You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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