he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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