Can i not drive my cunt home
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm always down for nudity.
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