Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
