people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
