I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
