I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
