Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
