Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Are my feet made of real feet?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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