return my video game
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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