and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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