You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
