Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
