I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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