you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
