Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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