who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize