Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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