When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
