she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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