I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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