I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
