our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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