Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
